Goodbye and fuck you...

Two things today: Last days in hell & the hell to come:

If it was not for the fact that I quit my job two weeks ago, I'd have been fired today. Or arrested...or both. I am just honestly tired of my current work place. The shit I get for everything is just driving me crazy. I am not going into details of my coexistance with my boss , but let me tell you, the nerve this woman has...she manages to look surprised over my lack of interest in paying the office bills, after she fucked me over with my so called "promotion". And let me tell you - I tried. But you know what, fuck it. I have 2.5 days left and there is no reason to stress about it  now. I need to get through this without assaulting anyone physically or verbally, regardless of how tempting that may be. I am working really hard on not burning all the bridges...but can't wait for this to be over. I am eager to start fresh...wish me luck.

Now, on a completely unrelated subject...It's coming. The crazyness, the spending, the aggrevation...Christmas!!! Am I the only one who sees how messed up the holidays became. It's not about peace and harmony anymore. WTF??? Thanksgiving is around the corner and it's the trigger of the shopping mania.But lucky for me, I have just what it takes to survive it AND enjoy it at the same time. I decided to take it easy this year. Just be freaking happy...with my new job, new perspective - just enjoy what it really is about. I'll shop online to avoid getting stumbled by all the poor welfare people trying to get the last iphone that not every working man can afford. I will bake my own cookies to control just the right amount of sugar to put me in sugar coma, cook my own SLOVAK traditional food to make sure I don't eat any light or fucking diet food, put up the tree, burn some pine tree candles and listen to the wonderful christmas music. That's it...that's my plan for Christmas. I suggest you do the same. You'll be more likely to be liked in your house, work and community. It's been proven that people tend to like you more when you don't have a foam around your mouth and don't bark at your neighbors - that's what I did last few winters, and I am not willing to do that shit again. I am going to be fucking happy. Will let you know how that went...

Writing a review?? Isn't it ironic....

Isn't it ironic...

 

I am back!!!! And I have a something I would like to share with you. Last night I went to see Alanis Morissette at Terminal 5 in NYC. And let me tell you...life is different now. I think I may start refering to my life as BA - before Alanis, and AFAA -after freaking amazing Alanis. Let's be honest. Out of all the people I know, I am the one the least likely to go to a concert. I hate crowds...Don't get me wrong, I don't mind people as individuals, but don't underestimate the stupidify of people in crowds. It's a psychology - your stupid behavior gets covered by someone elses' even more stupid behavior, when there is a lot of people with nothing to do. I also  hate to wait in the crowd trying to leave the venue or simply go to the bathroom...and to be honest, I don't really care that much about any band to get over my dislike of stupid people in huge masses. And concerts are usually the ultimate drunken morons support groups... But there is one exception to the rule - Alanis. You know how you keep listening to that one album religiously over and over again, and it's that one and only you go to when you're sad and feeling down? And you blast it in your car, you sing to it like a freak? And you even sing the guitar parts? And you would get the weird stares from people around you if they actually gave a shit? (God bless New Yorkers for their lack of interest in your life, and thank God for the low standards of behavior in New York City, which allow your amateur car rock concert performance to blend in with your not-so-normal surroundings). And after you hear the familiar heart soothing tunes, it always helps you see the potential in staying alive? Well let me introduce you to "Jagged Little Pill"!!!! It's an absolute must have for any human being with a soul. That being said, all the male population can stop reading. Now!
So naturally, when the opportunity to see my Alanis (that is how I will be referring to her from now on, because I feel that we are connected on some level), I did not hesitate and bought two tickets. One for me, and on for my sister - who was expected to provide me with an emotional support in my happiness. However, after reading all the horrible reviews of the venue - Terminal 5, I had no expectations. Devastated does not come close to how I felt after one after another of the reviewers described how they did not even get to see the performer due to the crazyness of the crowd, the venue's horrible design, the small stage etc. "But for you - my Alanis- I'll go, and I WILL see you!!!" And so we went. Let me tell you something, this woman is a LEGEND. She is so incredibly weird that it puts the word "artistic" in a whole different perspective. She did an amazing job singing some of her older hits while having the audience sing with her, and she also introduced her new songs as well. Overall, the 4 hour standing number I pulled yesterday was worth every minute and every penny. You can enjoy the uploaded video along with my singing, because, that's righ, I have no shame...

 

The bitch I was and how I don't give a shit...

Hi everybody

There are two things I would like to talk about today. Number one - the bitch I was:

 

Looking back at my very first post, I realize that I might have come off as little irritable and hard to deal with. You might have even chosen my husband's side and wonder why did he marry me in the first place."BECAUSE I'm freaking AWESOME!" Are you happy now, you judgmental bitch person?? Don't act like you've never flipped out on your husband, boyfriend, employee.....or a stranger (for that matter) for no reason before. Shit happens, and then you move on. But you have to give me this: men can aggrevate the fuck out of women...and that is putting it mildly. I even know a girl who threw a knife at her man who challenged her to it when she out of despair threatened to do so. She could have ended up in jail for this moron. She commented the situation:"the thought that they would have charged me with murder as if I had killed a sane person worries me..."Anyway...enough about murdering husbands. There will be enough time for that during the PMS week, or as I call it "I hate my husband Extravaganza". I happen to love my husband right now. I can't promise tomorrow, but I promise tonight:) This is the time when all his crazyness and weirndness is kind of cute, and funny. All I can say is: "Let's enjoy this moment, for it will not last forever".

Thing number two I wanted to discuss is how I don't give a shit:

 

Why is it that everybody around me seems to have their shit together but me. I thought that by the time I'm 28, I'd know what to do. And then I see all the happy faces on facebook, pregnant classmates, teethless mouths of their children...FUCK! Did I miss something??? Or is it just a face they put out there to make people like me start assessing my achievements and revalue my priorities? It's so freaking weird, because I still feel like - shit, my classmate is pregnant, what a freaking whore. Who has a kid at 16? Wait, fuck...we're not 16 anymore. We are 28. And it is perfectly ok to have children now. In fact, my mother had an 8-year old at my age...ME!!!What a strong incentive this peer pressure is, ha?? But don't stress. I have it all figured out. People with kids want what you have: NO KIDS!!! And they can't have that, because they already have them...they can't NOT have them now. It's too late. Honestly, being able to experience couple of hours with some of the kids of my family and friends, I understand the strong desire to choke and brutally massacre.....I mean punish them non-violently.  So all of you, who feel judged and pressured, listen!! This is the only advice that can save you the little self-respect and confidence in your judgment you still have! I figured out that once you start comparing yourself to the rest of the world, you are screwed. Be whoever the hell you want to be. Freeze your eggs if you have to. Get a sperm donor...whatever. Who cares...do what you want. I know this sounds super "American way", but hey, isn't that the only way?? Toodles!

Anybody else married to a moron???

Seriously....

I think men (or at least mine is) are a unique self-centered creatures that only register events happening directly to them and are completely oblivious to everything else. My husband believes that when he does something stupid (which is about 2-3 times a week) and I get mad, he should wait until the next day assuming that I will get over it and everything will be OK the next day. I know!!! What an idiot!!!

After we had a talk about the fact that time does not heal his stupidity and I won't miraculously  get over things he did  that hurt me, I assumed it would stick for longer than the length of the conversation. Or at least he would pay attention to the contents of the conversation:- I explained that when I don't talk to him, I need him to come to me and apologize, because it obviously hurt me. And trust me I don't get upset about the small stuff, but when it happens repeatedly, it kind of becomes a hot button.  So naturally he gets me crazy upset, and then he comes to me asking me if I was still upset. And when I think to myself: "Yes you stupid ignorant moron", and actually say to him: " YES!", he goes into explaining why he did that and why it was the right thing to do or say.....like, are you fucking kidding me right now????? Which part of "Now apologize" did you not understand? Why do you assume that I am interested in your fucking reasoning??? I don't give a shit about what you thought and why....This is time for you to apologize and more importantly - make a mental note to yourself- DO NOT DO IT AGAIN! In any other form. If you broke my dishes, the same gentle handling I recommended applies to everything else that is fragile, such as glasses, mirrors, etc... That would be of course if any of you, men, recognized anybody else's perspective and/or respected anybody else's wishes. Not my husband!!!! You know how self-centered two-year-old children  are? When they think :"What do you mean you won't give it to me when I want it??? You don't feel the strong desire to give me things when I want them???" That is my husband...completely clueless about how fucking self-centered he is.

I blame his parents for most of his psychological disorders they significantly contributed to and that I - as a psychologist-amateur - diagnosed him with. The sad part - It's irreversible. "What about a nice cup of medicated tea?"  you probably think to yourself. I know I know, I've thought of it...and it was recommended to me by some....OK, OK - by most of the people. But, at the end of the day, it is probably easier to medicate myself with a glass of wine, or Real Housewives of freaking anything. The end. Except I am still angry, and my husband has moved on to another issue with whatever the fuck he's doing, so if I did not get over what bothered me by now, I guess the time limit is over.